But they were suited

Favorite Moment of the Olympics

2010-02-15T22:07:00.010-06:00

I am going to apologize in advance for some non-poker commentary; nothing drives me crazier than to visit "DegeneratePokerRiverStories.com" to find cat videos and meatloaf recipes. You knuckleheads start a poker blog but can't wait to enrich our day with what the bank teller said to you this morning? What gives?

Anyway, here's my version of the same. I'm going attempt a connection by playing the "competition" card because I'd like to talk about my favorite moment of the Winter Olympics so far.

I'm a middle-aged dude ***pause***

I think that's the first time I've ever said that.

...and I'm back. I still play sports a few times a week and I'm not really even all that good. Winning is cool, it's better than losing, but for me playing is it's own reward. I just really like it. And I'm not talking about something stupid like golf.
Fuckoff golf! (make sure you click that link, way more entertaining that than my stupid post.) The harder I can try, the more I like it. Soccer, racquetball, basketball, you get it.

The sports you watch everyday have certain athletes that truly love their sport but for many it's just become their job. For every shot of Michael Jordan hugging his first championship trophy you have some idiot like Michael Vick admitting (just this week) he didn't even try all that hard with the Falcons. It's just not as easy to share the joy of the individual in the regular sports you see on TV.

The Olympics are very different. Generally speaking, I don't give a flying F about speed skating and have worse things to say about ice dancing but I really do enjoy watching the emotion that the athletes are so obviously feeling. In many cases, they have put their lives completely on hold to compete and do it simply because they love it. It's pure sport. And it's rare.

The first great example this year is the first US Gold - Hannah Kearney in downhill moguls. I barely know what that is and had to look up the spelling of moguls (and am now wondering if you can have a mogul, singular. anyone?) not to mention the fact that it hurts my knees just to watch. But how cool is it to watch this tiny 23 year-old athlete doing what she loves to do, the thing in this world that she is best at, in front of the whole planet? The double-arm fist-pump she gives as she crosses the finish line - I just don't think you can find it in pro sports. Here's the video.

It made me search for Thomas Hill's hands-on-head reaction to Leatner's shot to beat Kentucky in the March Madness quarterfinals and Derek Redmond's father running onto the track to help his son finish the 400 meters in the 1992 Olympics in which he was favored to win Gold and was devastated.

And if you watched all three of those with dry eyes, I submit you don't love playing sports and have not felt the thrill of competition for yourself. Simply put, that's what's great (and unique) about the Olympic Games. And there of course are have been other moments than the ones I mentioned; I even cited an amateur event that wasn't the Olympics. We all have our favorites - but you understand my point. So hopefully we'll get to see more of these little glimpses into athlete's souls before these Games come to a close.

P.S. YouTube has all kinds of Derek Redmond videos; VISA even made it into a commercial with Morgan Freeman narrating, who I love. The best version is the one I posted, with no announcers, no BS, just simply what happened.

2009 Recap

2010-01-01T22:09:00.005-06:00

2009 was a very humbling year. I've spent New Year's day trying to get my arms around what happened. At the beginning of the year, I was coming off my best year (2008), best quarter (QIV08), and second best month (Dec, 2008) of all time. I was feeling super-human and the whole "why am I going to work everyday" thing kept creeping into my brain. I would never quit my job to play poker but it's hard not to daydream about it when you're running good.

So I took a ridiculous amount of money to Biloxi in January and lost all of it. Welcome to 2009. I was playing in stakes I had never played before and thought it through ahead of time as a calculated risk. I was taking a shot and I had given myself permission to do, but in the process chalked up my worst month ever. To be honest, I shrugged it off. Then I repeated the "worst month ever" feat in my local $2-5 PLO game, which included 7 consecutive losing sessions of a week's salary or more. So now I'm in deep for the year.

Starting March 1st, I "sobered up" a little and actually recorded a net win for the remainder of the year but never overcame these first two months. Overall very humbling.

So I have two main points/questions about the year:

1) I'm continually amazed by the parallels between poker and finance. Expected earnings, variance, risk, etc. It's pretty interesting. The one that jumps out at me is the "crash" just when everything seems like it couldn't be better. Just when everyone is piling into houses and quitting their jobs to bet their life savings on the Carton Sheets infomercial they just saw on TV, the housing market comes crashing down, taking the economy with it. And just as yours truly thinks he has conquered the poker world? Just a different version of the same song.

2) It is really hard to get your head around what is going on when your poker results head south for the winter. I still honestly don't know wtf happened in 2009. Even my "winning" months of March-December were very, very mediocre. Certainly not worth the time that I put in.

A few thoughts:

a) The part that jumps out of my results the most is my local $5-10 NL results. I only played 21 hours and lost $7,500. This is simply a massive loss for the number of hours played. But in those 21 hours, the following things happened:

i) All-in preflop for $1,700 KK vs QQ. Q in the window.
ii) Re-raise to $300 preflop with AK, A on the flop, lose $1,400 to 2P (AJ).
iii) Lose $1,600 set-under-set
iv) Lose $1,200 to 83 after raising preflop, check-raising the flop with top pair, 3 on the turn
v) Lose $1,100 defending blind heads-up, flopping 2P, playing against a straight

So basically, one of these each session.

Continuing with my thoughts:

b) Is it the economy, stupid? Is the loose cash just gone? Maybe, but my buddies are shrugging this off and continue to win at very good rates. They might just simply be better than me but I wouldn't have agreed to that at any point prior to 2009.

c) Can I really just chalk this up to bad luck? I don't know. I want to. But a whole year? I wouldn't believe that BS from anyone else.

d) This last one is the one that bothers me. Am I just bored of this whole scene? I would have been a WINNER for the YEAR if I would have quit after 3 hours of playing and/or never played past 9PM. That stat would tempt one to agree, but all the bad shit just happened later in the sessions, right? Or no? Who knows.

I just really don't know. Frustrating.

Alanis Would be Proud

2009-12-10T20:19:00.013-06:00

I keep a little anal spreadsheet of my savings and it currently looks like this.

The fact that the red line is finally peeking out over the blue line means I'm back in the black relative to my lifetime investment returns. LIFETIME. Couple this with the cool housing market that we're in, I come up with some REALLY fun calculations.

These are just back-of-the envelope calcs but they're real. The percentage returns are today's assets compared to lifetime investments of my cash to the best of my knowledge. Keep in mind that most of my superiors at my place of work think my "degenerate" poker habits are nothing but trouble.

So, in a bitter case of irony:

A lifetime of responsible investing via payroll deduction into low-cost index funds:
Up 0.34%

10 years of home ownership and the requisite mortgage payments, lawn mowing, property taxes, and replacing of hot water heaters:
Down 6.3%

5 years of check-raising chumps and going all-in on draws while squealing "wheeeee!":
Up 2,032%

woof!

Thanks poker.

The Cold War is Back

2009-11-27T10:36:00.011-06:00

I think this is my favorite poker clip of all time. I love how the crazy Russian announces "I win" and we're forced to wonder if he thinks that translates to "sigh ... nice hand." The goofy Russian keeps the goofy smile on his face throughout the hand ... I think he's seen this episode before!

Genius Move: Vegas for Halloween

2009-11-13T20:07:00.016-06:00

I'm taking full credit for suggesting that our latest Vegas trip take place on Halloween. Having just returned, I can tell you that the choice of this particular weekend for your next Vegas trip is highly recommended. You know the slutty nurse that was the hit of your local Halloween party? In Vegas on Halloween, that girl would be treated as if she were invisible.

But let me try to stay on track. We arrive Thursday afternoon and check in to Harrah's. We try an afternoon session at Bellagio; Top Set no good to the tune of 1 week's pay as I growl at poker. I get some of it back while we talk about the pros in Bobby's room playing 1500-3000 limit, or as I call it, "1 mortgage - 2 mortgage". Doyle, Daniel, Jennifer Harmen, Viffer, and Eli Elezra are in attendance. What a life these guys have.

We cruise over to the Venetian and Donny Bonus comes up with one of the best reads I've ever seen. Here's the text:

Bonus: How u doing?
Me: Up 1, this table all locals.
Bonus: That sux 1k or 100?
Me: 100 Bellagio is calling.
Bonus: Sounds like u r at my table last night locals and internet players
Me: I'm in the middle of 4 guys that have inside jokes and names of hands i've never heard of. "dragon's belly" just won.
Bonus: Lol dragons belly u made that up
Me: Ha, good read! guilty as charged
Bonus: Lol dragons still laughing

I'm still impressed with the read. High praise, Bonus, there's hope for you yet.

Before we leave, the Venetian locals grind me down from about 800 to 300. Then further disaster strikes:

Hero has pocket 8s in middle position, everyone limps around to the button who makes it $30. She's pretty tight and I put her on a couple of high cards. One other person calls, $100 or so in the pot.

Flop: J72. We check around to the chickadee and she bets $80. My genius read determines the flop couldn't have hit her so I try $200. The other (smarter) player gets out of the way and she dumps all her chips into the pot. Oops.

I now only have about $100 left and it's possible (not really) that she has the spade draw so I donate my last $100 to the pot. I'm shown my fate: pocket Kings.

Turn: (J72): T
River: (J72T): 9

The dealer says "Kings are good" and the 5 seat laughs and lets the dealer know that although it's not easy to see how this could have happened, the tourist just went runner-runner-gutshot-straight for a $700 pot.

I'm thinking "thank God no one saw that" but feel eyes on the back of my head. I turn around and there's Donny Bonus with a big shit-eating grin on his kisser. I tell him "don't try that at home, kids", he laughs, and we get the hell out of there. I win a few bucks at the Bellagio but finish down $320 for the day. End of Day 1.

Day 2 is Friday and I get some of it back before reporting for duty at the Ghost Bar on the 55th floor of the Palms overlooking the strip. It has an good-sized outdoor patio which has an awesome view of the strip. Of course getting in is an absolute fiasco because I don't have boobs and we finally suck it up and determine that we need a $60 "all bars" pass to get in. So with a lighter wallet and about an hour invested I finally get up to the bar to order my first drink. My buddies pile on the drink order and when I catch up to everyone I'm asked how it's going and respond with "Well, I'm in for a buck-twenty and have got a vodka cranberry to show for it, so it's official: we're in Vegas."

Our next genius move is to check out the Playboy Club a few floors down, which is the next most dangerous "fools and their money are parted here" venue of the night that we can find. One of us (who shall remain nameless) drops $800 playing blackjack with the Bunnies. Wasn't me, as I was saving my $ just in case we make another stop ... and as you might guess, the tequila shots have started.

We complete our stupidity trifecta with a trip to the Rhino. I promise myself that these hard-working girls deserve everything in the wallet but nothing from the poker bag but am quickly losing the ability to think clearly ... Day 2 comes to a happy close.

Day 3, Saturday. I wake up and assess the damage ... the poker bag is intact. Victory!! This is more unlikely than my pocket 8s taking down that poor girl's Kings.

At this point, the idea of paying for the trip by playing poker is in serious jeapordy. It is of course Halloween but nothing involving alcohol is anywhere near the agenda so we hunker down at a Bellagio $2-5 table and I try to stop the bleeding. I somehow string together a miracle 15-hour session to the tune of $1,970 and all feels right with the world again. I run into my new friend from our last trip but she either doesn't remember me or does not acknowledge remembering, which is fine.

We were visited by several "pros" throughout the night in various states of undress which was a nice bit of entertainment. And I doubt I have to tell you that the "costumes" worn by ALL the female types were just flimsy excuses to walk around naked for the night. But I didn't mind.

We decided on The Fix for dinner around midnight which is about 30 feet from The Bank, Bellagio's nightclub. The host graciously parked us on the restaurant rail in full view of the parade into the nightclub. I took the opportunity to remind the group that Vegas for Halloween was my idea.

I don't want to get too graphic but the costume of the night was of course no costume at all. We're now back at the poker room, and an absoltely perfect 25 year old walks in around 2am sitting on laps and posing for pictures. The "costume" was paint and a thong. That's all. Probably a pro but that didn't seem to bother anyone except the dealers who couldn't get anyone to play poker for about 20 minutes. She makes a show of reaching for someone's cards bending completely over one of the tables and Bonus is DIRECTLY in front of the action. I'm sitting at a table behind him and can see what is taking place, so I of course I yell "Happy Halloween Bonus!" and he loses it. God bless Vegas.

Then someone informs us that the clocks just got turned back. It's daylight savings time, an extra hour in Vegas. Damn, we're running good! Day 3 finally (albeit tearfully) comes to a close at 8AM with an extra $2k in my pocket. Chuckie is feeling just fine.

We suffer a small beat back at the ranch trying to procure a late checkout with no success. I set my phone alarm for 140 minutes and prepare for the pain.

Day 4, we're checked out and back at the tables around 1PM. I realize we went all 4 days without our traditional $37 omelettes at the Bellagio. That's some poor planning on our part. I somehow pull off a $1,300 afternoon session and we head for the airport. We play Chinese poker all the way home.

All seems right with the world until I imagine my work inbox and reality snaps back into focus.

Final tallies:

Have you heard of EBITDA? (Earnings before Interest, Taxes, Depreciation and Amortization?) Here are the poker versions.

EAPBS (Earnings after poker but before strippers): $3,049
EAPSAF: (Earnings after poker, strippers, alcohol, and food): $1,842

I like Vegas.

Entrepreneurship and Poker

2009-11-08T13:21:00.002-06:00

My friend Byron passed along this interesting article about the similarities between entrepreneurship and poker. I think it also speaks to the luck (both good and bad) that we all experience throughout life, reminding me of a great book that I read years ago that I still think about: Fooled by Randomness. While technically a book about finance, many of the author's philosophies spill over into real life. Check it out if you have time, you'll enjoy it.

The Meadows, Summer 2009 - Days "the rest"

2009-11-02T22:26:00.005-06:00

You what is pretty cool? Not getting the updates of the Vegas summer trip done before the Halloween trip takes place. So stay tuned for the Halloween debauchery but in the meantime, get caught up here and here.

The Meadows, Summer 2009 - Day 2

2009-10-25T13:01:00.011-06:00

Day 2, Friday. $2-5 NLHE at the Bellagio.

Did you miss day 1? Get caught up here.

Day 2 may have been one of the most successful days I have ever had playing poker. Not my largest win but perhaps the best/longest I've ever played really well. I sat at a Bellagio $2-5 game from noon until three in the morning and only had two losing HOURS. I didn't decide to leave and play $5-10, I didn't start playing crazy, just tried really hard to play RIGHT and I think I did. There were several hands where I knew exactly what the other player had and either bluffed or extracted chips just like I should. It was nice, in the middle of what has been a rough year for poker.

But of course the day was not incident free; this is degenerate poker after all. Here's how it went down.

I'm in the 2 seat and a Bellagio dealer is in the 1 seat. Female. (This matters in a sec, hold on.) I guess they can play when they're not dealing if they want. There's a straddle, $10, $10, $10, $10, and she makes it $60 on the button. This seems like a bit of an overbet to me and I look down and find AK.

She's got about $600 in front of her. I think I'm winning so I make it $200 and am perfectly happy winning $100 with Ace-high. Everyone folds around to her. She's not happy. She's got QQ and starts a little rant about how I just did that cause she's a female (not true, I'm just a bad player). She tells me I have AK (yes, correct) asks me if I'll show (I will; I know she'll fold if I agree) and folds QQ face up. I show her AK and the rant goes nuclear.

"Sexist" is the first shot fired followed by other versions of the same. I plead my case briefly but give up. This is a rough thing to say, but she's about as cute as a pittbull and I'm not feeling bad about this at all. I put my headphones in and just keep playing. A few minutes later she's still talking, and my day is going so well I'm able to just ride out the storm. Later she's saying "huh?! huh?!" to me so I take out my headphones and finally ask "what now?" and she now tries the racist card. "Oh, you no understand asians huh? Me no speak-a Engrish, right?" (I assumed you know all women in Vegas are Asian btw.) Finally, when she realizes she's still not getting to me she tries "gay" with something about how her opinion doesn't matter to me since I don't favor the fairer sex. The dealer asks if I want the floor, I consider it, but say no. I'm thinking really clearly and conclude getting her chips is the rest revenge.

An hour later, the hand I'm waiting for happens. I've raised her a few times and she's tight and won't gambol with me but I know she's waiting for her chance. And she thinks this is it.

I raise on the button with QT. 3 callers, including her. $100 in the pot.

Flop: J98. The racist flops it. My new friend glances at my chips! Could this be it? Everyone checks to me and I bet $75. Fold, fold, fold, fold, raise! Oh, mama. This is going to feel goooooood. She's really tight, and plays a little scared so I conclude I shouldn't re-raise yet.

Turn (J98): Q. Bad Beat!!! The board of course is just missing a T for the straight. She audibly reacts to my "luck" and checks to me. I underbet the pot ($125 or so). (Please call, please call.) She folds J9 face up. I know that I can have a little fun with her and she's dying to see my cards, so I let her say a few things and then show her the T. She of course goes ballistic and then at the right moment I table the Q as well. When she sees the Q she stops talking, shall we say "abruptly"? Kinda like the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is pulling the power cords on the good guys in the Matrix. Complaining, complaining, complaining ... silence.

Silence is nice.

And that was the end of that.

Day 2, $3,260. Trip total $4,575.

The Meadows, Summer 2009 - Day 1

2009-09-21T20:57:00.011-06:00

For a good part of 2009 I have been doing my best to support the local economy by donating money at the poker table. If you would like to know the formula for getting your butt kicked, it is as follows. Get your money in good (or at least “appropriately” as it relates to PLO) on 12 out of your 15 biggest bets for the year and then proceed to lose 13 of those 15. That’s really all it takes. I’m down for the year and am dead even since the biggest pot of my life last Halloween but I’m happy to report I took out my frustration on The Meadows (that’s English for Las Vegas (Spanish)) over Labor Day Weekend. Highlights are as follows.

Day 1, Thursday. $2-5 NLHE at the Venetian

Just started, I’m up a little, playing fine, at an average $2-5 table at the V. Haven’t adjusted to the waitresses yet, so I’m a little distracted but otherwise ok. I’m starting the trip at about one-quarter tilt waiting for my fun-like-surgery 2009 to continue and this little bit o’ fun strikes:

KJ in early position, I raise pre-flop and hit a Jack on the flop (JT3). I bet $50 into $75 and get one caller.

Turn (JT3): 6. The way I’m running I just want to end the hand so I plan on just getting it all in. Here’s where the fun starts. I think $200 will do it so I push out two stacks of red. This knucklehead has got red chips everywhere and starts building stacks of $100. He’s looking annoyed and (in hindsight I realize) he’s on monkey tilt. He’s actually got $205 and puts the last $5 on top too. I say something like “oh, is it $205?” and throw out the last $5. He gets all upset with “You’ve got to have my last $5, huh?!” and I’m also pretty sure he swore at me in Spanish, but I mumble “no, whatever” and take the $5 back.

River (JT36): K. I conclude we’re just checking it down so I check to him, and he yells “FIVE DOLLARS!” and tosses it in like it’s a live grenade. I chuckle a little and call; I figure my two pair is WAY good but he tables AQ for Broadway. If this was anything other than my first kidney punch of the weekend I’m sure I couldn’t have done this, but I just sit there saying nothing while the blood in my brain goes from simmer to boil. My neighbor finally chuckles and tells me “Man. I have no idea how you’re just sitting there.”

But I suck it up and take $1,040 off the table in 5 hours, very pleased with my recovery. Trip total: $1,040.

Later I get suckered into PLO at the Venetian. I've really been trying to keep my PLO play to a minimum cause it's just way too easy to start flipping $500 quarters and I'd had my fill of that for a while. The game is playing pretty tight, I really just hung around long enough to have a little fun and play some poker with my buddy Matt. Why wouldn’t we travel 1,000 miles to take each other’s money, right? Although he did crush me at $1/point Chinese poker on the flight over, so I guess I wanted revenge (joke).

PLO is generally a lot more fun than Holdem because everyone is less guarded, ready to GAMbol! And my buddy Matt is good, funny, loose and the table has now perked up after Matt’s second blind raise to $50 off the straddle.

I’ve got frenchy on my left who is tight but bad and his English is worse than his poker. He’s asking me questions and is talking about “You Americans” a lot.

He loses a few hands and finally gets all-in pre-flop with TT65. I think Matt blind raised to $50 pre-flop so there’s $200 or so in the pot after frenchy went all-in for a little more. I’m in the pot with AK98.

Flop: JT8 (checks around)
Turn: (JT8): 7. Matt checks, I figure my straight (98) is good, I bet $150, Matt folds.

So now it’s just me and frenchy. He starts yelling “Double! Double!” and I feel like asking everyone to hold on while I figure what I’m supposed to be rooting against. You probably get it (I did not), but that’s frenchy for pair the board. Me no-par-le-vou frenchy.

The board pairs on the river, and frenchy is now feeling a little better about You Americans. Frenchy is stacking my chips and everyone except for one person is laughing at “Double! Double!” His neighbor sees an opportunity to start an international incident and leads out with “You know what I love about French people? They are the nicest people in France.” which cracks everyone up and frenchy is getting a little concerned. He picks me out of the crowd, since although I am laughing, I am still brooding a little over “Double! Double!” and am laughing less than the rest of these degenerates. He asks “What is this, complement?” I just smile, needing my $200 back before I can allow myself to cooperate. We move on….

Later in the session, I run into Jeff Hwang (of PLO publishing fame) who moved from Saint Louis to The Meadows last year. Jeff’s a good guy and has written two really good PLO books, both of which I’ve bought and read. I consider him a friend of mine. I am a character in the second book (although I’m fairly certain all PLO players are “characters”, regardless of whether or not they are in a book) and am referred to as “non-crazy, somewhat raw at PLO”. Might be the nicest thing anyone ever said about me.

Strangely enough, I don’t consider Jeff to be better than me at PLAYING pot-limit. Jeff spent about 75 pages of his first book talking about how the best wrap is better than a good wrap, etc, which is actually really good information. Lots of players start out flopping T9 with J87 and don’t understand that they can be absolutely crushed by KQJ. All PLO players should read both books and understand these concepts. But my experience with Jeff is that he waits about 7 hours for the 37-card nut wrap with bottom set, and when it never happens, he just pours it all in pre-flop with AKT9 when he can’t take it anymore. I do, however, have to give Jeff high marks for his pimped-out photo found on the back cover of the more recent book.

Anyway, a good time at PLO, played for 3 hours and pulled $275 off the table. Trip-to-date total: $1,315. End of Day 1.

What it Takes

2009-07-26T12:28:00.025-06:00

We have a gentleman in our fair city that simply crushes poker. During a recent dinner discussion, me and my knucklehead buddies discussed what number his 7-figure lifetime winning figure must start with. I proposed 3, got check-raised, and we went back to drinking our beer and arguing about which waitress is our favorite. But it's big, very big.

It is easy to wonder how he does it and try to replicate it. Not so easy to accomplish. Over time, I have formulated what I think it takes to be one of these guys. I'm not talking about a "winning" poker player. I'm talking about the 1 out of a 1,000 guys, maybe the 1 out of 10,000 guys that are playing at a level that the rest of us can't quite imagine. Basically, I'm taking about the guys that are making it look easy and routinely get accused of "being lucky".

I've got my ingredients listed below. You'll notice that most of these qualities are "born with" not "learned". I personally think that poker is like everything else, hard work is integral to fulfilling your potential, you certainly can't get there without it, but your ultimate potential is mostly predetermined. This is an argument for another time, but I believe this more than most. My parents may have told me that I can be anything I want when I grow up but I if I would have said I had my heart set on being a left tackle for the Chicago Bears, they might have suggested I reconsider. This seems obvious, but is brain really different from braun? We'd all like to think so because it allows us to think our options are limitless but I'm not so sure. Anyway, I'm off subject as usual.

I've listed my ingredients from more basic to more advanced. Most of these comments are the abbreviated versions of what's really going through my head, but you'll get it.

1) Above average intelligence.
I somewhat hate to start with something so basic, but I think it's true. There is certainly an emotional component as you'll see below, but I cannot imagine a successful poker player that has an IQ of 90.

2) Math skills to grasp pot odds.

3) The right amount of risk-tolerance.
I think this amounts to a "goldilocks" setting in your brain that has to be in the right spot. Not too hot, not too cold. You won't win just playing the nuts. But if you race into the poker room and can't wait to gamble, your poker career is going to get expensive.

4) An ego that is in check.
Trying to get back at the dude who that drilled you last week or turning up the aggression to be "table captain" are both very bad ideas.

5) A dislike of loosing money!
Seems obvious, right? Not for everyone. Losing should hurt, and way before your bankroll starts to shrink. Otherwise it becomes easy.

At this point, I think I'm 5 for 5. But here's where I start to struggle.

6) The ability to stay off the tilt-a-wheel.
I struggle with this, the easiest way to describe what's going on in my head is "one quarter Helmuth". I don't stand up and call people names but suckouts do not roll off me. This is an area that my stupid rules help. I know I'm on tilt, I tell myself it's even more important to not break any rules. It keeps me in line for the most part but I'm struggling and not thinking clearly. It's an issue.

Here's the last one and it's really the point of this rambling post:

7) Being content to observe.
I think that the quality that most of the premier players have is that on top of having all the other qualities, they are simply content to sit and watch the game. They are not joking and laughing, they are just watching. Like Ivy or Antonius. They just sit and watch and learn. And when it comes time to play against someone, they already know all they need to know. It's like practice. Most guys hate to practice, they just want to play. The winners don't mind practicing; it's what they do. I try to force myself to do it but it's a lot like a scene in Memento ... "ok, keep watching, what's happening ... whoa ... who's that girl?" Or whatever. Boredom approaches quickly and I simply forget that I'm trying to watch.

Lately I've been forced to conclude that I'm having a hard time making this final leap. I'd say you can remain a winning player but cannot reach that next level without it. It's a bummer, I feel like I've navigated the first X levels successfully but just cannot clear that final hurdle. I've got a good friend who has all the levels and just keeps getting better. He frequently tells me a story about some hand that ends with "so I put him all-in with my pair of sixes" and my jaw drops. "How did you know that?" I say, to which he responds "Jim never plays AK that way, I knew he had to be open ended." and I'm baffled. I didn't know that about Jim. What else don't I know?

More than I realize apparently...

In an attempt to remember the good old days

2007-06-12T23:34:00.005-06:00

I guess sometimes I have a love-hate relationship with poker. I’ve come to that conclusion because in many ways like the other love-hate relationships I have had throughout my life.

Spend too much time with her?
Check

Worried she’ll take over my life?
Check

Drives me crazy?
Check

Great memories?
Check

You get it. But for the most part, poker has been an overwhelmingly positive addition to my life (I think). I vividly remember talking with my buddy Sam several years ago on a Sunday afternoon. I’m driving around talking on the cell phone and he’s telling me a story about his other buddy that just won $12,000 playing CARDS.

I pulled the car over.

TELL ME MORE. And so it began.

I’m trying to say that 4 days out of 5 I really love playing poker. Talking shit, laughing at your buddies while they laugh at you, gawking at girls, free food, trying to get the best of guys you may or may not like very much; it’s very much fun, competitive, alpha-male kind of stuff. It couldn’t be any more “guy” unless there were strippers outside the window. Actually, one day we had a situation that qualified but that’s a story for another day.

Poker has strong parallels to sports, independence, analytics, and even finance. For those of you that know me well, you know that’s a very tight fit. The results are fact-based; there’s nowhere to hide from what happened.

Here’s the point: poker puts me in a pretty good mood most of the time. I have had three shaking, laughing moments at the poker table that I want to preserve for posterity. I guess that makes this post all about me. Maybe you’ll find them funny; I suspect you “had to be there”. It doesn’t matter to me; this is my blog.

I have to preface these public comments with a statement. Two of these stories are about Sam. Sam is semi-famous in our poker room. I really do like him. He’s got a funny accent and has about as much fun playing poker as anyone I know. He loves it; just like me.

He’s one of those guys that makes stuff seem extra funny; there’s no explanation I can give here to those of you that don’t know who I’m talking about. What I’m trying to say is that these stories are funny to me because HE is funny to me. I’m not laughing AT him nearly as much as these stories would lead the uninformed reader to believe.

Anyway (what a leadup!) here are my (now very anti-climatic) top 3 poker stories. In each and every case, I ended up with my head down in an shaking, uncontrollable fit of laughter. I have not had an uncontrollable fit of laughter outside the poker room in this same period of time.

Countdown from 3:

Story 3:

Sam (BIG smile on his face): “Yes, miss? Yes, yes, hot tea please. Make it, uh, hot like you and sweet like me, OK?”

She blushes a little and Sam is per usual, very proud of himself. This is his standard routine and he now has a GIANT smile on his face. He is clearly having a good time.

Harris (not playing along and clearly annoyed with Sam’s antics):

“Can you make it stupid?”

Sam’s smile disappears like he’s been hit in the face. I loose it immediately.

Story 2:

Rod is holding KJ. His opponent is holding QT. Both have huge stacks.

Flop: J94

Opponent bets, Rod raises, opponent calls. $200 in the pot.

Turn (J94): K, completing opponent’s straight and giving Rod top 2.

Rod bets and his opponent pushes all-in for a huge amount, another $1,200 or so.

After thinking it over, Rod reluctantly calls, most likely knowing he’s beat (we’ve all done it. Many times). Opponent wins a huge pot with the nut straight. Rod’s got plenty of money; this is no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Now, Rod’s favorite phrase is “so be it.” And I like Rod. So this phrase has always seemed extra funny to me. If Rod gets told he’s next on the list: “so be it”. If his wife tells him it’s time to go: “so be it”. I think he even says “so be it” after seeing some of the flops.

At this point, he’s feeling a little embarrassed counting out hundreds of dollars in front of everyone and he’s saying “so be it” like crazy. “What is it? Another $75? So be it.” “He hit his card; so be it.” And I’ve started to chuckle a little at him saying this over and over. Plus there’s always a little bit of “Oh, man, that sucks” humor when someone gets popped, as long as it’s not you. So that’s welling up inside me a little as well.

No one is really saying anything cause it’s a big pot, so the table is a lot quieter than normal...

Silence.

Silence.

Rod to his neighbor in total seriousness: “I was fine until the King came.”

And I loose it. I had to get up from the table. Seriously, how funny is that?

Story 1:

Sam again.

Sam chases all the way to the end of the hand with 22 with no draw that I remember only to spike his 2 on the river for a set of 2s. He and his opponent get all their chips in the middle and his opponent shows him a FLOPPED set. Sam got unlucky by hitting his set but was drawing stone dead the entire hand.

Sam: “That’s a bad beat.”

Words cannot describe how funny this was to me. I was worthless for 30 minutes.

I don’t know if any of you enjoyed any of these stories; I guarantee I will reread these and laugh outloud many times. Hope some of these have a similar effect on you.

Houston...

2007-05-28T21:24:00.005-06:00

Well, I’m back to tracking poker with my damn spreadsheet. This is out of necessity, not out of enjoyment. There’s no need to start the intervention or anything, I’ve just been wasting a lot of time playing poker for mediocre results this year since stopping the tracking routine in January.

I lobbed my results for the long Memorial Day weekend (22 hours of $2/5 and $5/10 NL) into the answer machine and I have come to unmistakable conclusion: I’m a mediocre poker player. I’m gambling, not playing good aggressive poker. Too many hands, not enough discipline.

Some good news/bad news: my spreadsheet still kicks ass. My leaks show up like big puss-filled zits on a picture of Naomi Watts. Unfortunately, that’s “zits”, not “zit”. Plural, meaning “more than one” or “multiple”.

Worse, I’ve found I need new categories for bad play. I just added a category for calling a raise when I didn’t want the other guy to raise. This has never been a problem before as people don’t tend to put moves on me; I’ve been playing well enough to know that when I get raised, I’m beat. Or I’m ahead and it’s time to convert their money into my money. I have apparently lost this seemingly straightforward piece of knowledge. This ability has been replaced by “hope”.

“I sure hope he doesn’t have Jacks Full...."

"Doh!”

This category holds now $2,200 of bad and obvious mistakes. In three days.

My saving grace this weekend was two horrible suckouts perpetrated by yours truly. The kind where you can’t keep a straight face while raking the pot. A 4-way all-in after the flop where I was drawing dead to a black Jack; BAM! And an all-in preflop bluff gone bad (one of my semi-famous “oops” moments) where my 64 offsuit turned into the nut straight. (Magic show, table 2!)

In general, I feel that I'm approaching a crossroads, like I knew I would. I knew poker wouldn't hold my attention forever so now I need the spreadsheet to govern my lack of interest and patience because after all, there's money involved. I break the rules every time when no one (including me) is watching.

Trouble is, I'm sick of the spreadsheet too. For a long time, it was interesting keeping track of stuff, finding all the little pockets of money leaking out, perfecting bluffing strategies, etc. but I think I've found what I can. I'm not saying I know everything or am as good as this guy or that guy, but I feel like I've designed a strategy that has me playing as good as I can. Trouble is, the fun was building the strategy, not following a bunch of rules.

Plus, I've got a new job, maybe I should just work on that for a while, I don't know. We'll have to see.

Talk About Getting Inside Your Oppenent's Head...

2007-04-13T18:54:00.004-06:00

>This post has a target market of 4 people. And they don’t even play poker. Read on if you want, I don’t care.

Have you ever sat at the poker table and thought about how people’s brains work? I guess what I really mean is have you ever wonder thought about why they work so well?

A typical hand:
Top Pair bets the flop.
Flush Draw calls.
Top Pair bets the turn.
Flush Draw calls.
River is blank and now Top Pair checks.
Flush Draw checks as well and Top Pair takes it down.

Let’s talk about what happens in Top Pair’s head. You won’t get what I’m saying if you don’t really think about it, so try.

Top Pair flops his big pair and concludes he is ahead. In and of itself this is pretty amazing if you think about it. He didn’t analyze this specific situation before the game, so how does he know? This comes so natural to you as the reader that the only way you understand the magnitude is to stop to think about it. Think about trying to explain this to someone that doesn't play cards. Or a computer. Or a dog. Try to imagine that conversation; it would be very hard to put your thought process into words.

And yet a good player would probably come pretty close to guessing the percentage of the time that he’s going to have the best hand here. Think about all the combinations of cards that exist. And yet he’s pretty sure. Change the board to all hearts and his antenna instinctively go way up. He knows his chances of winning that pot or more importantly his EV of that hand have dropped precipitously. Yet he probably can’t some close to explaining why he knows any of this without saying something like “I just knew” or “I have experience”.

Fast forward to the river. Top Pair checked because he feels that the chance that he gets paid when ahead is not worth the risk of the other guy raising the shit out him on what is now a relatively very big street. He may very well be checking with every intention of calling a river bet because there is enough of a chance that even when facing a bet he’s still ahead enough to make the call worthwhile or that his opponent bluffs enough to do it. This is a whole new level of thinking. He’s considering the number of opponents, his cards, the board, who his opponents are, maybe even the time of day, game, stakes, etc. He most likely comes to his best conclusion in a couple seconds without even really trying.

How exactly is he pulling that off?

What I’m really asking here for explanation of exactly how this works. How exactly does the brain do this? It’s not enough to say “instinct” or “it’s the way he plays”. Do you know what I’m asking?

What about the really good players? Why are they better? (By the way, if any of you idiots just thought “well, they’re just so lucky”, you may want to reconsider whether or not you're ever going to be good at this.)

Even they don’t really know. This is also amazing. “What’s your secret?” you might ask them. And they would probably come up with a couple nuggets of wisdom if they tried, but it wouldn’t really answer your question.

Here’s my theory. (You knew it was coming)

I think the brain does an enormous amount of work that we are not aware of. The subconscious is constantly churning out work to keep us competitive and we are not aware of the overwhelming majority of this activity. It’s why you come up with ideas in the shower. Or driving. Or sleeping. ("Let me sleep on it." It’s a real thing).

Driving is a good example of what I'm talking about. We all drive to work without even thinking about it. Ever get to work and think, jeez, I don’t even remember driving here; I was thinking about that jerk at work the whole time. Thank God I got here. But you never really get yourself into trouble doing what for most of us is the most dangerous thing we do all day without consciously thinking about it. I maintain you are very close to 100% competent while actively thinking about something else.

I’d say your "thinking part" of your brain was able to delegate driving to the back of your brain while it worked on something important. The 16 year old taking his driving test can’t do that. I’d say that we work on multiple levels of consciousness most of which we’re not aware of. When something happens that needs the frontal lobe’s attention, it will get it. When a dog runs out in front of your car, your subconscious alerts the thinking part that it needs its attention. I think this works a lot like hierarchies at work. Subordinates do their thing until they have a question. I think it’s very similar. It’s so similar that I wonder if that’s why we set up hierarchies that way at work. Is that the structure that we understand? Not sure about that one, but it’s an interesting question.

So anyway, back to MY answer to my question. I don’t know if it’s right. I think that we have subconscious memory of the past hands that we’ve played and the brain uses pattern recognition in a very complicated and robust way. High IQ matters, and in my opinion is the existence of better pattern recognition “software”. Cross high IQ with lots of hands in your subconscious memory and you’re on your way.

The really good players are also using memories of players, tells, etc. and are not really aware of it. A guy scratches his face and the top 1% of players feel something and just check instead of betting. Or the idea to bet big enters his brain. He may not even know how or why.

So for any of you that have been holding out hope that I'm a normal person, that ship just sailed. Also, this post is totally absent of my "you thinking that hand is lucky is your brain trying to create the illusion of control over the kind of situation (gambling) that by definition you have relatively less control over" talk. I'm resisting the urge to continue pontificating, just because I like you, Internet, and at this point you've had it with me.

The Journey Continues … with One Wheel in the Ditch.

2007-03-28T22:38:00.003-06:00

As you may know, I kept track of my shit for a full year. Wrote down 4000 hands. 4000. Do you know how many that is?! I stopped at the end of 2006. Now, one of the major benefits of this little scheme of mine was the fact that when I got ready to do something stupid, I would stop, not wanting to screw up my record up to that point with whatever I was contemplating doing. I didn’t want a black mark on my fancy spreadsheet. It worked well because I’m a little, shall we say, "meticulous"? OK, I'm anal. Let's move on.

Then the calendar changed and without my Microsoft conscience I exploded onto the scene like a virgin on prom night. I did everything stupid that I’d dreamed about doing for the last year. Went to Tunica the first week on January and lost 10 straight 5-10 NL sessions. TEN. That’s a lot. Took a big wet bite out of the bankroll.

I was unlucky. I think. Maybe I just felt unlucky. Maybe that’s just the excuse my brain has been able to manufacture. It doesn’t matter. What I’m struggling with is how to not write this stuff down but still do as well. But I’m also wondering about the natural swing factor. Because just when I had resolved to start dragging that f#$%ing notebook back into the poker room this night happened. (Thanks for the props, J)

It was a normal Friday night; sat down at what looked like a pretty good 5-10 NL table. We’ve been spreading 5-10 for a while now, which is great. Jason deserves come credit for that, but I’ve got to believe tax return money plays a significant part in it's emergence.

Anyway, I’m just sitting there playing and the deck begins hitting me in the face. IN THE FACE. Sets. Flushes. Backdoor bullshit. Sick, sick stuff. Guys knowing I’m pounding draws only to watch me hit. Again. And again. I didn't miss for 28 hours straight. Oh, I didn’t mention I logged a 28 hour session? That means Friday at 5 until Saturday at 9. PM. I’ve never been up past noon the next day in my life.

So the point is, maybe the whole thing was variance. Sigmas as KD says. Who knows. Just poker I guess.

So I’m trying to stay off the tracking thing, but it’s tough to determine what’s going on with me. QI was better than QI06 but nothing like QIII06 and QIV06. So what gives exactly? I have no idea. I’m still trying to balance fun with money though. Trading a little money for fun is 100% acceptable; it will keep the whole thing interesting longer.

Till next time.

Setback

2007-02-05T22:45:00.002-06:00

This post isn’t fun. If you’re looking for humor try this one. It’s still my favorite. This post is for me; I wanted to get this down on paper while I was thinking it. I want to reread it during my next bad run.

I’ve had 60 days that I am forced to view as a setback. It reinforces the fact I realized 3 years ago that is more true than any other thing I know about poker:

When you’re running bad, you can’t imagine winning. When you’re running good, you can’t imagine losing.

It’s simple but dead-on correct. You’ll get immediate agreement from every poker player you say it to.

So what happens when you’re in the middle of this period? You drift from non-optimal play. You get fooled by the randomness of the event but it will try it’s best to get you to change what you know to be true.

You have to refuse to raise to $50 with Jacks so you don’t have to play them. Don’t go all in on the flop to stop the flush draw from calling. But that’s probably the easy part. The hard part is not accelerating the loss and donking off the rest of your money. Either way I think it’s safe to say that if the money is important, that this is the time where you can positively affect your results the most by sticking to what you know to be true and not giving early Christmas gifts to your neighbor. I guess what you have to do is keep the faith. But it’s discouraging.

I know guys that play poker that don’t have fun AND loose money. This group thinks they’re unlucky and it’s going to turn around. You feel like convincing them they don’t HAVE to play poker. But you don’t. I also know pros that don’t have fun. It actually looks pretty miserable. It appears to me that going pro and having fun playing poker are pretty close to being mutually exclusive. There’s a blend in there somewhere. (But they probably find 8:30 meetings pretty miserable; who can argue with that logic?)

It really comes down to what you really want out of playing poker. Is it fun? Is it money? Is it escape? Is it friends? It is entertainment? How does it fit into your life? You should know and you should make sure it fits. Or does the fact that I’m asking these questions just mean I play too much poker??

You have to decide for yourself, but I'll leave you with this:

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
Which road do I take? she asked.
Where do you want to go? was his response.
I don't know, Alice answered.
Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.
Lewis Carroll - "Alice in Wonderland"

McDonald's

2007-01-29T22:55:00.002-06:00

On my way home, I stop at McDonald's. I order a super-sized value meal; the total comes to $5.17.

I reach in my pocket and neatly stack $18.98 on the counter. She says "what's all this??"

I say: "I'm all in."

She folded.

An Open Letter to all you Knuckleheads

2007-01-06T23:58:00.002-06:00

I have determined the worst thing about playing poker.

The smoke-filled poker rooms? No.
Casino food? Nope.
Stumbling back into work Friday morning? You’re getting colder.

It’s listening to you rubes tell me bad beat stories. And it’s no contest.

“….so only two cards could beat me and guess what came on the river? No, guess!”

(Dammit. Not again.) “OK. One of those two cards?”

“Yes! Can you believe it!? Then I had pocket Jacks in middle position…..” You’ve started waving your hands around describing the post-flop betting and I’m wondering if I can render myself unconscious by hitting my head on the padded table edge since the wall is a solid 2 second run away.

Why can you people not sense VIOLENT DISINTEREST in the story that you’re telling?

Seriously; pay attention. This is important. Unless the story ends with a deer running through the poker room or a female member of the wait staff stripping on a 3-6 table while the dealer mistakenly mucks your cards, I have heard it before. In triplicate. These stories have all the interest of “I rolled the dice 6 times and guess what happened once?! A six! That’s right! What are the odds of that?!” Except the story that you tell me is three minutes long and I’m expected to pay attention the whole time and nod accordingly with a furrowed brow.

Without question the worst part is when you inevitably get halfway through the story and realize something doesn’t make sense. “No wait, I couldn’t have been in late position....” or “Wait a minute…oh yeah, I had queen-TEN. I’ll start over.”

BRUTAL. “Can I just give you the $250 instead?”

My favorite one from this weekend was a story about a guy's KJ "getting cracked" (YES, GETTING CRACKED) by AQ on a KQQ board. How is that getting cracked?!? Can KJ even GET cracked?!? I'm speechless.

When you guys are telling me these stories you want me to be thinking “THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS!” or “HOW COULD HE CALL THAT?!”

I’m actually thinking SUCKER PUNCH.

I’m wondering if I can sneak in a right cross the next time you blink and flee the scene. Or instead of fleeing I may try “DUDE; METEOR! ARE YOU OK?!” I'm still working out the details. I doubt my odds at getting away with this are very good. I’m estimating they are the about the same as hitting a gutshot on the turn. But I’VE HIT GUTSHOTS ON THE TURN BEFORE.

Maybe that’s how Spock came up with that neck-pinch thing. Anyone know if Kirk was a 20-40 player?

As a result of all this, I have stopped asking all of you how you’re doing that day or how your month is running. This is because when I do the question you provide an answer to is “Have any totally normal and statistically unavoidable events happened recently that have caused you to lose more than seventy-five dollars? If so, I would like to hear about as many of them as you have time for.”

I have however, developed a non-violent strategy that I will be using against you effective immediately. When you start up with “…like earlier, I had Ace-King,” I will stop you with “...I need a dollar to listen to your bad beat story.” Kind of like bad-beat story countermeasures. A preemptive strike if you will. And it’s four for four so far. No one had paid me but I reduced the number of stories I had to hear by four. I defy anyone to do better.

I think we’ve made progress here. In return, I promise not to tell my own bad beat stories, except for my own version of bad-beat stories which are actually stories about YOU telling ME bad-beat stories:

“So I'm in the restroom and guess who walks in? George! He starts to tell his Ace-Queen suited story to Bill while I’m trying to sneak back to the poker room and Bill’s cell phone rings. So George grabs me by the arm and tells the story to me instead!"

"What are the odds of that?! No really, what do you think the odds are of that?!”

Leave your scathing comments below; I plan on ignoring them.

Men Behaving Badly

2006-12-30T14:34:00.001-06:00

December has been kicking my ass. Not in a “sneak up on me and whack me over the head with a shovel kind of way”, but in a very overt “hold still, this is going to hurt and if you move we’re just going to swing harder” kind of way. No apologies, just pain. 11 losing sessions in a row. Since I’m on a roll, I’ll drop this little stat. Chance of losing 11 consecutive sessions (based on my results this year): .0117%. For you fellow dorks out there, this is a 4 Sigma event but not outside predictable poker scenarios.

Anyway, that’s not the point, it’s context for the story. Another important note before reading on: this hand/post is not a bad beat story; I would not do that do you.

$2-5NL; $450 in front of me. Loose game, almost every pot is raised PF, lots of money on the table. Down $700 for the day from unholy beats; one in particular which I will not subject you to.

Back to the story. Hero has TT on the button. BB makes it $35, two calls, it’s on me. One of my favorite moves this year has been make it $135 in this situation with any two cards. It’s a break even proposition (75 attempts this year for net loss of $120, -$1 per) but it’s a great way to convince others you’re crazy. And I’ve already done it twice at this table and showed both times.

So, $105 in the pot and I make it $150. BB’s brow immediately furrows. Uh-oh. Now I’ll readily admit I’m not a “I’ve got your tell; you scratched your ear, I call” kind of dude, but I do know this is a pretty bad sign. Guys don’t give away this kind of information if they’re genuinely concerned. This is a relatively clear “weak means strong” type of tell in my book. In fact, the smart part of my brain is already sounding the alarm: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Problem is, there are other parts of my brain. And on this particular day I'm using the term "brain" very, very loosely as a proxy for a mechanism that has the possibility of coming to intelligent conclusions.

Now he pushes all-in with a shrug, like “well, not really sure what to do, I guess I’ll bet a thousand dollars.” Come on. The other two guys have basically folded out of turn so I'm free to react to this move outloud and do because I’m running THAT BADLY this month and lost my composure a week ago. I make a very frustrated comment that sounds a lot like “Oh, yeah, you were confused for a minute but now you realize that two Kings is a pretty good hand.”

Let me repeat that. I say two Kings OUTLOUD. (And yes, this gentleman has two Kings.)

Then I go in the tank. I’ve got $300 left, pot is now $525 or so. The alarm is still sounding (Whoop! Whoop!) but I begin the process of desperately trying to justify a call:

Maybe we (the devil and angel portions of my brain have started a debate) have odds to call even if he has an overpair.
(Nope: spend $300 to win 20% of $500 in the LR)

Maybe he has AK!
(Come on.)

We’ve already got $150 in the pot!
(Try again, we’re better than that)

So I’m just sitting there trying to figure out how to rationalize walking out into traffic. Then disaster strikes.

Devil: He bluffed last week!!
Angel: Shit. I remember; you’re right.
Devil: We’re calling!
Angel: Shit.
Devil: Count out $300!
Angel: Shit.

That’s now it happened. My buddy next to me summed it up perfectly; “if you weren’t running so bad, you fold immediately.” It’s true.

Why is that? I don’t really know. I can fold in that situation. EASILY. I’ve done it many times. But I didn’t this time. I didn’t trust my own instincts even after I said he had kings OUTLOUD. Why? Please send comments to : yes_chuck_you're_an_idiot@gmail.com

Very frustrating.

Somewhat changing subjects and to end on a positive note, I’ve been tracking “calling all in” events this year. My first 16 times resulted in a loss of $4,340. I identified this leak and scolded myself. Have you seen the scene in DaVinci Code where Silas beats himself bloody? The last 17 have been a profit of $1,015. $5,000 leak plugged. Check.

Last week of course the tally was 16 for $1,465.

Sigh.

Strategy Evolution

2006-12-23T13:03:00.004-06:00

I have a couple of buddies that are interested in this whole spreadsheet tracking thing; most others have no idea what I'm doing . In fact, the most common question I get is the one I get after my neighbor at the poker table looks at the grid that I’m writing in and asks me where I got it:

“Did you have that made at Kinko’s? Did you find it in a magazine?”

I MADE IT WITH A COMPUTER, GENIUS.

So in the course of these conversations with those who are interested in what I'm doing, I have come to some conclusions about the evolution of my strategy over the past year. I was tight, tight, tight in the middle of the year. The comment I got a couple days ago was that I mix it up as much as anyone in the room. I took that as a big complement; it’s been one of my goals: to make fun as much of a goal as hourly rate.

In fact you may recall my Feb, 2006 post (two months of tracking under my belt) in which I summarized some of my initial conclusions as follows:

What sucks about analyzing your play is that most things I try to figure out just points to being tighter. There is no apparent justification in playing hands even as good as AJ. A list of losing hands: KTs, T8s, 97s, AJ, AT, KJ, KT, K9, QJ, QT, Q9, JT (Damn it!), J9.

Uggh. How depressing. In this post I also cite a stat that makes me want to berate my own play back then: 1.5 hands per hour in which I bet $25 or more. 1.5 hands. 3 minutes of play per hour?! There had to be a better way.

Fortunately, the "tighten up even more" conclusion didn’t reconcile very well with my experience playing the truly successful players in the room who play with a style that is ANYTHING but tight. I eventually realized that the way to do it is to replace leaks with bluffs and semi-bluffs. Don’t call $25 with AJ or 76. Save the $50 and bluff with the $75 the third time someone raises. Same money spent; totally different table image.

Over time, I quantified which draws to bet and when to bluff. When I bet a draw, get called, and nail it on the turn, I get called “lucky”. “Man, you’re so lucky!” That’s so fun to hear. Good players get called lucky; I take it as a complement. To me, it means the whole thing is working. Heard it just last night: “You’ll hit, you always hit.”

Ahhhh, thank you; master plan vindicated.

I’ll admit when the plan first went into practice, the whole thing was very ugly. The word hemorrhaging might be appropriate. It’s not ugly any more. My favorite thing to do now is grab one of the floor guys (I know them reasonably well) that are walking by:

“Hey can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.”

In a hushed tone:
“I cannot believe this place exists.”

Keeping the Dream Alive

2006-12-19T23:00:00.002-06:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted but I’m back. I have much to report. You may recall my December 2005 post in which I made several resolutions to improve my poker play in 2006. I did and I have; it has been a resounding success. When all is said and done, I will likely triple my 2006 goal.

I have written down NL hands for an entire year in which I committed more than $25 to the pot. 4,000 hands. $250,000 tossed into poker pots. And I know what happened to each and every dollar. I have tracked these hands in a spreadsheet of my own design that can only be described as diabolical. The sutuations I now track are much different than the ones I thought were important (which is part of the point) but have boiled my poker strategy down to 8 underrated situations that should be pushed and 6 overrated situations that should be avoided. Many of these would surprise you.

The tracking of these hands has had three major affects on my overall game. First and most obvious is the plugging of leaks. I can identify $25,000 in leaks that I’ve plugged without even looking hard. Second, the simple process of tracking forces me to look in the mirror when the session is over and face up to what I did. Very valuable; it makes me accountable.

Lastly and most significantly (this is the real point), it has allowed me to drift toward a mathematically correct strategy based on game theory. I’m certainly not saying my strategy is perfect but I have determined what draws to push and in what situations to bluff. This has the effect of raising my overall EV because I’m drifting toward a mathematically unbeatable strategy but at the same time I LOOK like I’m gambling. I’m not gambling, but people think I am. When I’m out on the high wire making some move, I know it’s one that works in the long run and I’m confident making it. When it works, people think I’m lucky.

My final general poker comment is that the long run is not that long. When you get your arms around the data it all falls into place quite neatly. When I add a tactic that I don’t have perfected, EV dips but then comes back as I refine it. Looking back at 2006, it is easily segmented into periods defined by some characteristic. “Here’s where I learned about this leak.” “Here’s where I tested this tactic.” And so on.

One final life comment. A while back I wondered if poker was taking over my life; I’m playing about three days a week. I took stock of what I’m doing, but you know what? After I thought about it, I committed even more. I have made several good friends playing cards. I don't feel at all like I'm “gambling”. I don’t play blackjack or slots while waiting even when my buddies do. The process of tracking hands and developing new tactics is quite simply right up my alley; it's my latest fun project that gives me significant satisfaction. Seriously, what are the odds that 10 years from when I'm out living in the suburbs that I'll look back at these couple years and say, yeah, I was sure miserable back then; that was a big mistake.

If you take that bet, you might be drawing dead.

Stay tuned, there’s lots more to come…

Could you have gotten away from this hand?

2006-05-07T23:08:00.001-06:00

A very rough weekend. A number of suckouts, one for a $2,400 pot in which I had the best hand AND the redraw on the turn and lost to a straight. This is poker, but the victory lap and shouts of "SEND IT" did not help my disposition. Oh, and then there’s the brush letting a drunk college kid walk out the door with his chips after calling an $784 all-in. He just didn’t pay.

Brush: “Well, what could I do?”
Me: “HOW ABOUT CALLING SECURITY AND MAKING HIM PAY?!?”

But I digress.

Here’s the substance of today’s lesson. I broke two tried and true rules today.

1) Don’t go broke with top pair
2) Don’t call all-ins unless you’re hoping they go all in before they do

Those are the rules. They're called rules for a reason.

Here’s the hand.

$2-5NL. Hero has AK in early position and raises to $25. 4 callers. Pot: $125.

Flop: AT5, two hearts.

Hero checks, MP1 bets $40, fold, fold, button calls $40, Hero makes it $140. My $140 is the “find out early” bet. If MP1 raises me, I’m done with the hand.

MP1 just calls $140. Button goes all-in for another $170. I have him on a draw all the way; he's the "any draw" guy. (You know this guy; he never BETS them; just calls with them.) I CALL. Now MP1 goes all-in for another $105. I’m sure I’m beat now, but what can I do, fold? I call.

MP1: Set of 5s.
Button: KJ of hearts.

Turn and river are bricks, MP1 takes it down.

Could you have gotten away from this hand?

Big Hand

2006-04-11T20:40:00.001-06:00

Well, I’ve got to record the big hand for posterity. I won my biggest NL pot and had my biggest night ever (NL anyway) on Sunday. Here’s how it went down:

$2-5 NL; I’m sitting on about $2,000.

65 offsuit; middle position. (I know. It makes it that much sweeter.)

5 players see the flop: 532

SB bets $25, BB raises to $50, I call, button calls, SB calls. Pot: $225.

Turn (532): 5

I figure this a card that could easily get me in trouble. Anyone calling with top pair is now getting ready to turn me upside down and shake me like a money tree.

SB now checks, BB bets $75, I call anyway because I'm terrible :), button calls. SB folds. Pot: $550. I figure I need my straight to win.

River (5325): 6. Or a full house.

BB bets $175, I raise to $350. Button makes it $800. Woa. I did not see that coming. But Mikey like. BB folds immediately.

Dealer pulls in my $350, leaving $450 to call. I really don’t have him on a hand at this point, but I know I’m winning. Or at least I’ve concluded that if he has 66 I’ll have a good bad beat story to torture my friends with.

I finally decide to bet $1,000; I’m pretty sure he’s going to call whatever I bet. I might have gotten an all-in call ($1,500 or so) but I don’t want to push my luck. So I pick up my stack of blacks and start doling out $1,000 in stacks of $300.

$300, $600, (MAN this is fun) $900 ... then I don’t know if I wanted to round out the stacks or it was just that much fun betting black like I was back playing 3-6 raising to $12, but the next thing I knew I’m thinking “fuck it, bet all $1,200.” So I did. He thinks for a minute and calls.

I don’t know what he had; he said he flopped the nut straight. If he did, he slowplayed himself straight into oblivion. Not that we all haven’t done that about 1,000 times.

I had to get up and walk around to stop the impending stroke. You should have seen this pot. Debbie was there and said it was the biggest pot she'd ever seen.

It didn't suck at all.

P.S. You know what he said?

NEW RULE

2006-03-28T21:15:00.001-06:00

I’m officially playing any pocket pair, for any amount, at any time.

Get a load of this:

$2-5 NL. Preflop raise to $55, I've got pocket 2s, one other caller (behind me).

Flop: AT2 ($300 goes into the pot. Total pot $450)
Turn: T ($1,000 more goes into the pot)
River: 2 (Everyone goes all in. Total pot $2,700)

One guy has AT (Tens full of aces)
The other guy has KT (Trip tens with top kicker)

I would have had QUAD DUECES

BUT I DIDN'T CALL THE $55.

The Two of Hearts – My New Secret Weapon

2006-03-20T19:15:00.004-06:00

It’s been a while since I posted a hand but I’ve finally got one that’s blog-worthy. After you’ve been playing for a while they all seem like bad beat stories or the “my full house was bigger than his full house” type, neither of which are all that interesting.

Anyway, I’m sitting on about $750 at the $2-5NL table at 4AM and I pick up 72h on the button. 8 people are in for $5 before it gets to me and before I know what's happening, I raise to $30. My conscience wakes up from his snooze and starts berating me, but it’s too late; the money’s in the pot.

I’m now hoping for one caller so I can bluff after the flop. I get three. I’m pretty much chalking up my $30 loss to stupidity when I see 8h on top of the cards about to roll out. Before I could complete the thought “that’d be pretty cool if I flop something nasty,” there it is; 8h 6h 4h. I’m staring at the flop in disbelief and a seven-high flush is staring right back at me.

It checks around to me and I don’t know why, but I don’t bet it. I think my thought process was that I didn’t want to play for all my chips with a seven-high flush when the 4th heart hits on the river, but I did think my flush was good right then. I decide to see the turn first.

Turn (864): 3 (no heart). I’m betting this is a good card for me. UTG bets $100 thinking it’s up for grabs and the guy next to me calls. I make it $400. If you want a fifth heart, it’s gonna cost you three bills. UTG folds immediately but I can hear the gears grinding in the guy’s head next to me. I got caught bluffing a minute ago and he thinks I’m up to something.

He TURNS OVER pocket 5s with the five of hearts. So he’s folding. Too bad, too, because he’s drawing stone dead. Then he says, “I guess I’m folding, but you don’t have a flush, and I’m thinking this is good.” Now the little guy in my head that was berating me earlier is back in the game and starts rubbing his hands together. What can I do to get this guy to call??

I tell him, “Tell you what; I’ll show you one and you can even pick the one you want to see.” He turns and looks at me like my dog used to when I would say “wanna treat?” If he would have had floppy ears, they would have been sticking straight up. So I’ve got a chance. My thought process is that when he sees a heart, he’ll think I would never SHOW him a heart if I had a flush and it’ll induce a call.

He agrees immediately and chooses a card. It’s the two of hearts. Then he calls IMMEDIATELY. REALLY?! (he’s now all in). The river is irrelevant and I rake an $1,100 pot with 72 (but they were sooooted). Not too shabby.

I try not to laugh but a couple other guys do. I still have no idea what he was thinking and am surprised that it worked. I just figured he was folding and had to try SOMETHING.

Fun hand.

Here's What We Know

2006-02-20T20:21:00.002-06:00

Two months ago I resolved to track my play meticulously and I’m very pleased with the results. I’ve tracked everything I can think of; here’s what we know:

Hourly NL rate: $40 (updated 2/28/06) Everything else: -$67.50/hour with limited hours (I routinely arrive at 20/40 limit pretilted; what I can I say? I don’t know how anyone can play that stuff.)

As an aside, I have created a spreadsheet that can ONLY be described as kick-ass. It’s not that store-bought bullshit that calculates your hourly rate and variance. It tells me everything I can think of wanting to know. I could probably sell the damn thing.

Let's get back on track. Best days to play NL: Friday, Monday, Saturday in that order. I expect Monday to fall out of the top three soon; it’s based on only nine hours of play. Weekend NL is running around $50/hour. Weekday NL is running a very modest $5/hour. I’m actually losing money during the week when all games are considered.

I conclusively start giving my money back after the end of the 7th hour playing. Starting in hour 8, I’m apparently quite the philanthropist.

I have won an amount equal to my overall total between 2 and 6 AM, despite that being only 20% of my logged hours. Not totally surprising, but very interesting.

2/3 of the money has been won in late position; I probably need to play more hands than I am when I'm close to the button.

I’m making absolutely no money from drawing; even when I’m drawing to the nuts from late position. I thought I was smarter than this.

I’ve made “grids” that show a definite line between wining and losing hands. The losers are A9, KJ, QJ, A6s, and worse. Very depressing. On the other hand, all pocket pairs are great and suited connectors are winners for the most part as well.

I play about 1.5 big hands an hour, defined as hands in which I win or loose more than $100. Pairs with flush draws ($410) and pairs with straight draws ($620) are nice money makers and I’ve made $3,000 from hands in which I’ve flopped sets. Flopping top pairs has won me about $1,000.

I am not prepared to admit to you, Internet, how much money I’ve lost bluffing. It's too bad, because it's definetely the best way to get your blood pumping.

Conclusions: If I really wanted to do this right, I would play for no more than 7 hours from 2-6AM on Fridays and Saturdays. Draw better and stick with the hands that you’re already playing. Don’t bluff. Add more hands (I think) from late position.

What sucks about analyzing your play is that most things I try to figure out just points to being tighter. There is no apparent justification in playing hands even as good as AJ. A list of losing hands: KTs, T8s, 97s, AJ, AT, KJ, KT, K9, QJ, QT, Q9, JT (Damn it!), J9.

But who would have thought ... it figures

2006-02-19T22:56:00.001-06:00

A month or so ago Hero flopped two pair.

The turn card arrived today. Third diamond; no waiting

"but who would have thought ... it figures.

"You know, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right...

"And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face....

Poker Bob

2006-01-09T23:09:00.002-06:00

We're thinking of heading to Tunica next month and I can't think about Tunica without reliving my favorite Poker Bob story of all time which happened last time we were there.

For those of you who don't know Poker Bob (aka USA Bob), you obviously don't live in St. Louis and play poker. He's the guy in the gray USA sweatshirt.

Half of you just went "Oh, THAT guy."

I've always suspected his closet at home looks a lot like Fred Flintone's; one USA sweatshirt after another in alternate blue and gray tones. One time he got too hot and took off his sweatshirt. I came in, saw him sitting there, and thought "damn, that guy looks just like Bob."

The book on Bob: he has a knack of flopping the nuts and having guys flying into him. When he gets bored, he just hits the bad beat jackpot instead. He's not as tight as we all say he his but I like to say when he flops a full house, he thinks he's on a quad draw.

Anyway, Bob and I are in Tunica playing $2-5NL at the Horseshoe. Terrific place to play. I'm sitting between Bob and terrible player 347.

Flop: TT9. There's already quite a pot.

TP347 bets $100 and Bob calls immediately. I'm fairly certain I smell a monster.

Turn (TT9): 3. TP347 is getting excited and obviously has a 10. He bets $280. Bob tries to make the minimum re-raise to get the guy to call and begins twitching. I immediately begin wondering if he has a magic "4 tens" card giving him six tens but end up just giving him credit for flopping the nut full.

Bob is so excited he fucks up the min-raise math and makes it $660 instead of $560 and I know EXACTLY what is going on. Sitting right between Bob and his latest victim, my poker face is being tested like never before as I'm trying not to laugh out loud at Bob's good fortune and him trying to contain himself.

Now Bob peels back his cards to show me the T9 to "let me in on it". The single greatest insult to my intelligence in 31 years of life. I know, Bob; I KNOW. I KNOW!!!

I don't remember what happened on the river, but of course Poker Bob took every bit of this kid's money.

He left and was replaced with a guy wearing a shirt that detailed the definition of "Rounder" on it. Oooooo...scary. You know what, we're going to stay and play anyway.

I can dodge bullets?

2006-01-08T14:16:00.002-06:00

What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

Dodged a couple bullets last night at Harrah's. I'm playing really well, especially in the last month or so. But sometimes you need a few things to do your way; last night they did.

$2-5 NL. Loose table with four frat boys doing Jager bombs. Yeah; I know.

Only one guy, Kerry, knows what he's doing. He's extremely solid.

Our hero has AA in MP2. MP1 straddles for $10. I debate the situation but just call, hoping someone will help me out with a nice big raise. No luck.

8 players see the flop. That's trouble, and it gets worse. Flop: 987, two spades. Yuck.

Kerry (BB) bets $40 into a $80 pot and loose guy 1 (das straddler) calls. I decide to find out where I'm at and make it $120.

Frat guy 1 calls the $120 (well...OK) and frat guy 2 calls (what the...). It gets around to Kerry and he is not happy. He thinks for a while and shows the guy next to him the "monster" that he's laying down. I know that he just laid down the best hand.

Turn (987) 2. I'm hoping that both my new frat buddies are on a draw and go all in for $400. Frat guy 1 calls immediately (gulp) and frat guy 2 thinks for a while, tells me he flopped two pair. I tell him to get his money in the middle. He folds.

Frat guy 1 turns over QQ, I turn over AA, frat guy 2 yells "Fuck!", and Kerry loses it. He folded the bucket end of the straight.

River: K.
Pot: $1,300.
Ship it.

If you play long enough, it all happens

2006-01-03T22:15:00.002-06:00

OK, I’ve been good up until this point but I'm going to have to ask you to indulge me in bad beat of the extreme variety. Please fasten your safety belt.

$1-2 NL, table is a little loose.

I look down to see TT in the SB. I raise preflop to $15, get two callers. Flop: KT2 rainbow.

I check, MP checks, button bets $30. I call the $30, MP goes all in for $130. Button raises to $200, I go all in for $330, button calls. Pot: $900.

At this point I cannot believe my good fortune. Then things IMPROVE.

MP turns over KT, so I've got to avoid a K. I can handle that. Then I almost laugh as the button turns over KQ, so these knuckleheads have each other's King and KQ is basically drawing dead. He even says: "I can't win". I feel like knocking their heads together three-stooges style and mumbling “ship it”.

QQ.

I consulted the pokerstove oracle when I got home: 92% favorite.

Can you continue to deny that you're an addict if your New Year's resolutions are about poker?

2005-12-26T15:00:00.002-06:00

I have made three poker-related resolutions for the new year. I want to keep track of whether my success and failure is dependent on how many hours I have logged at the table to that point. We all get tired, I want to make sure it's not wrecking my game. I am, however, giving up on meals and travel in my hourly rate; I've decided it's not meaningful.

I also want to mathematically evaluate 4-5 key hands after each session and I found a cool free download (pokerstove.com) to use. I’ve been playing NL for a year now and still don’t know what to do with a pair and a straight draw. (Seriously, it looks great when it flops and I get killed with it all the time.) I guess what I'm saying is I'd like to learn from key hands each session and make sure I understand all the mathematics involved for the next time I run into a similar situation.

Lastly, I want to have a better command of what I like to call “defensive odds.” An example: when the third heart comes out, there’s a 40% chance someone was dealt two more to make a flush. This will help me improve the math which is what I like most about my game lately. I’m getting much better at saying stuff like “25% of the time my opponent has AA, 25% of the time it’s QQ, and half the time it’s AK or AQ. Therefore my JJ is a (.2 * .5 + .5 * .5 = 35%) long term winner. Therefore I can or cannot call the all-in based on the pot.

In fact, I would love to get to a point where I can employ a few game-theory moves. This would be something like figuring out the optimal bluffing percentage when three hearts hit the board. There is certainly a lot more to poker than math, but I wonder if you can get to a point where you bluff every third time (or whatever) and you could even tell your opponent: "I go all-in everytime three suits hit the board and the second hand of my watch is in the last 20 seconds of the minute. Try and guess If I've really got it or not." Sometimes you've got the flush, sometimes you don't. If you can find what they call the Nash Equilibrium, it wouldn't matter if you told your opponents; they wouldn't be able to beat you (mathematically). We'll see if I can get there. Pot size and stack size obviously have a lot to do with the calculation.

I know, what a dork.

Stay tuned.

Finally; a Reversal of Fortune.

2005-12-26T14:41:00.003-06:00

Well, after a long NL drought I finally got loose at Harrah’s to the tune of $1,500. I played some very good $2-5 NL poker for about 15 hours waiting for my Christmas morning flight to the Ps house and am only upset about two plays that I made. I flopped three sets and got paid on all three.

Here’s the hand of the night. I’m dealt KK in early position with about $600 in chips ($2-5 NL). I make it $25 to go. I get a raise to $50 from Debbie on the button. This is both good and bad. She is extremely solid and reads people very, very well. In fact, I’m positive she’s gotten the best of me over the past year. The more I think about it, the more I think she's at the top of my list of folks to avoid going heads-up against. Unless I’ve got Kings :)

The nice part about her re-raise is I now know she has a pocket pair, 10s or higher, or AK. I’d bet my stack on it. I’m a huge favorite against a random mix of those hands and I know she’ll lay it down to a big re-raise if she’s beat, so I just call. If I do anything else she puts me on a hand immediately and the party’s over.

Flop: K82. Now that’s just not fair.

I check to her (she’s behind me). I think I can get another $75 out of her, but am not hoping for much more. I think she bet $60. I figure she’s still too smart to call a raise with anything but AK or AA, and since if she had AK, the flopped King would have been of the case variety, so I again pass on the raise.

Turn (K82): 8. Sheesh. Now I’m virtually unbeatable and am very willing to take my chances against AA. I check, she checks. I rule out AA as a possibility. Now I’ve got the nuts (I know, 88, blah, blah) and my perfect river card becomes 10, J, or Q.

River (K828): J. Sweet Maria. I think for a while and come out with $45. My thinking is that she’s not calling a big bet if she’s way behind, but if she has JJ, an 8, or is slow-playing AA, this gives her plenty of room to come over the top of me. She makes it $250 and the star-bangled banner begins playing in my head.

I’ve got $400 left and she’s got enough to call every bit of it. I’m still concerned she will lay her hand down so I take a minute and without any of the BS that guys try like “well I guess I have to go all-in” I silently move all my chips in the middle. She calls and says “I’ve gotta call, do you have KK?”

Jesus woman; are you staring directly into my soul?? She turns over JJ and I turn over KK and she looks mildly disappointed but not all that surprised.

All I can really say is getting all her chips was a dear diary moment for yours truly but it took some pretty ridiculous cards.

Unholy

2005-10-01T01:26:00.001-06:00

My recent experience at NL has can only be described as unholy; I’ve been losing $20 an hour for two months. Fortunately, my Pot Limit Omaha experiment (what a game; wow) has been going OK and has served to preserve my sanity but I just can’t figure how to snap the NL slump. It’s as if everyone has signed an agreement to raise me on the turn with the nuts anytime they are in my pot. And of course after the 3rd or 4th time in a row I talk myself into thinking “surely some of these must be bluffs.” So I look them up and they’re not. But I knew that; I'm just getting frustrated.

I just dropped $500 at Harrah’s and I honestly believe I played perfect. I’m not the type of guy that’s dropping a bunch of brilliant $300 bluffs, but I’ve got a solid style with what I think are very few leaks. It’s just not working. I vowed long ago to not tell bad beat stories but the stuff that’s happening just doesn’t add up. At least it’s not happening online so I’m not tempted to start expounding conspiracy theories with the rest of the nuts out there.

Medic

2005-09-28T22:50:00.002-06:00

I'm learning that Pot Limit Omaha is one massive high wire act. Actually more like a big fun house mirror. It's a world in which top full houses get laid down to big raises and perfectly played hands can loose you $2,000. Naked nut straights are marginal hands and top pairs are meaningless. Bottom sets will break you and when you get the nuts, take a picure, 'cause it aint gonna last long. After a hold’em hand you can usually say "there's your mistake", or as a previous boss was wont to say, "there's your sign". PLO is much different.

And these guys are hilarious. Yesterday a guy gets SMOKED for about $3,200 with AAK7; he flops top set, turns the nut straight and loses to a flush on the river. He's sitting there in disbelief as an EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLAR POT IN WHICH FLOPPED THE NUTS AND THEN TURNED THE NUTS gets shipped to a guy with an ENORMOUS wrap/flush draw (129 outs or so). The table gets kind of quiet like someone just died or something; out of nowhere Al mutters "Medic".

I didn't stop laughing for 15 minutes.

(The winner flopped a wrap and the nut flush draw, turns the same nut straight, and rivers the nut flush. Medic indeed)

Pushing my Luck at PLO

2005-09-28T22:41:00.003-06:00

$5-$5 PLO: KQ54 double suited in the small blind. Call $15 PF. Pot: $60.

Flop: 632. Hello there, nut straight. Someone is not going to be happy (but it might be me...) I figure I can't just bet it, what fun would that be? Let's have a little fun instead (check). Bet from the end of $60, 1 other caller, I call.

Turn: (632) 9. This is a good card. I check again and the original better tries $200. I come over the top for $600 and he looks at me like "how could that have helped?!" He calls the $600.

River: (6329) Q Another beatiful "clean" card. Amazingly, my naked nut straight held up the whole way. I launch the rest of my chips into the pot, maybe $575 or so. He doesn't like it but calls and berates me for not betting the nut straight on the flop when he sees it.

He's basically right; it's amazing the kind of trouble you can get into flopping the nut straight. It's trouble. But it was a fun hand.

WHEN CAN I CALL?!

2005-07-17T21:50:00.002-06:00

First a little background. We've got the loosest, wildest player at the table (Nick). He's also very good however, which makes him very, very dangerous. $1,000 swings every hour or so is pretty normal. He bluffs constantly, but gets paid off on big hands because no one believes him. The seat to the right of him is always empty, because every time he plays, he plays for $50. (That poor soul tries to play for $5, then Nick makes it $50. Constantly. You get the picture). He's having a pretty good night and has a pretty good stack going (maybe $3,000 or so). I've got maybe $800.

Anyway, I make it $45 to go with 99. I get 3 callers. (Nick has very much loosened up the table as you can see.) I'm on the button.

The flop: 972 rainbow. Nick (seat 1) checks and the 2 seat bets $100. The Star Bangled Banner begins playing in my head. Seat 3 folds, I call, and Nick calls. Pot: $500.

Turn: (972) 5 (now there are two diamonds). Looks harmless enough. The 2 seat senses something's up but still bets $100 and I've got him on an overpair (10s?) or maybe just a 9. I figure enough is enough, let's get him all in. I come over the top for another $200 for a total of $300. This is enough to put him all in.

Nick then comes over the top of me for all my chips, another $300 or so (huh, who, what??) and I can't believe my good fortune. I've got top set and he's putting a move on me! Seat 2 looks pretty unhappy but calls, maybe hoping to hit his two outer, and I'm wondering only one thing, WHEN CAN I CALL?? After I think about it for about half a second, I figure Nick for an overpair or an underset, or simply a complete and total bluff, which was very possible. I say, as clearly as I can muster, "I CALL".

This is when my world collapses. Ever seen one of those Van Gough paintings where the walls are melting? Like that. He rolls over 86 for the nut straight (FOR $45 PREFLOP? SWEET JESUS), the only two cards that can beat me. It knocks the wind out of me. I think I actually coughed when I saw it. So I'm screwed. Oh wait, there's another card to come. Holy smokes; how about that? HOW MANY NINES ARE IN THIS DECK?!? There were four, and I now know where each and every one of them is.

Nick hasn't seen my cards yet, but he's looking at the river and while I'm reasonably sure I'm not psychic, when that 2nd 9 hits the board, I hear his brain clearly say "mother fuc%er". I say, "I've got all the nines," and he hits the table with his fist as hard as I've seen in a while. This guy's wound a little tight as you can tell, but it was pretty cool that his pounding the table had the effect of attracting 6 or 7 people from adjoining tables (and the poker room supervisor) to watch me stack his chips.

Mr. WSOP Qualifier

2005-07-06T22:15:00.002-06:00

Sunday @ Harrah's; it was a thing of beauty. I had the Harrah's WSOP qualifier at my table and he clearly had me on "chump" cause he thought he could push me around whenever the mood struck him. I caught his hand in the cookie jar several times. My favorite:

Me: AK ($30 preflop)

Him: Call (With 3 others)

Flop: AK7 (I'm behind him)

Him: Check

Me: Check (I know he's just itching to push me around, but I know that patience is the play here ...)

Turn: 3

Him: Check

Me: A very cautious $80...

Him: $200

Before he even gets the last syllable of hundred out, I say all in. So he's stuck doling out red chips that he knows are already mine because there's NO WAY he's calling. Caught yet again by the chump at the end of the table. How's that feel, Mr. WSOP? (He folds)

I could BARELY keep from flashing a big toothy grin at him.

A 10 Year Old in a 15 Year Old’s Body

2005-04-16T22:19:00.002-06:00

There is this little scrawny puke of a kid at Harrah's that honestly acts as if he is 10 years old when he loses. Last week he called a loose player’s all-in with 33Q on the board and he had KK. The guy had a 3; DUH. Now he's WHINING about how he just lost his rent money (I tell him he shouldn't be playing with his rent money) and he starts berating the dealer and I tell him "man, seriously, shut up" because I'm friends with the gal dealing. Anyway, needless to say, we are now enemies, but he is still 10 years old. I don't mean to pick on anyone, but he pushes ALL my buttons.

On Wednesday (three days later), we’re playing and the flop comes KQ7 and he bets with a K and I call with QJ, knowing I'm beat, but just dying to bust this little shit.

Turn: (KQ7) one Jack; no lines, no waiting. He's scared of me because he knows I know what I'm doing, so he checks and I overbet the pot. He folds and I rake about $80. I say "nice check, all I had was AJ", and show him the J. "You showed weakness." His face turns red.

Later: I've got QQ and raise preflop. He's got TT. The flop comes low; we've both got an overpair. He bets and I come over the top and he thinks and folds while saying, "have you got me beat?" and shows his tens. I say, "oh, yeah" but I refuse to show him my cards (I'm been showing some of my hands) to make it look like a bluff. He's LIVID and I cannot keep my smile to myself, which only serves to tilt him further.

About 30 minutes later, I flop a set to his raised pot (is there anything more fun than that??), and couldn't be more pleased with myself. He's basically determined to not let me "bluff" him and keeps betting, and guess what, I keep calling. When I turn over my set of FOURS, I thought he was going to have a stroke right there at the table.

It was about the most fun I've ever had at the poker table.

Pretty Boy

2005-01-28T22:38:00.002-06:00

We've got a $5-$10 limit seat open and they call "Is Vincent still in the room?" I laugh and tell the table, “We'll make big money if someone named Vincent sits down” (laughter). Then I turn around to look at the people waiting, and there's this kid with this ridiculously fancy dress shirt on and I say, “Never mind, we want pretty boy.” (more laughter).

Well, don't worry; no decision necessary, it's the same guy. So I say to the table, I'll bet someone a red chip we're about to hear the phrase "sir, please take your chips out of the rack." The dealer stops us from betting of course, but ol' Vince sits down with that damn plastic rack just sitting there. (Giggling is heard; ol' Vince looks around, feeling a little paranoid). The dealer even gives him a minute, but eventually plays along and starts to say "Sir, please take..." and can't even get it out before half the table cracks up. It was awesome.