Poker Bob

We're thinking of heading to Tunica next month and I can't think about Tunica without reliving my favorite Poker Bob story of all time which happened last time we were there.

For those of you who don't know Poker Bob (aka USA Bob), you obviously don't live in St. Louis and play poker. He's the guy in the gray USA sweatshirt.

Half of you just went "Oh, THAT guy."

I've always suspected his closet at home looks a lot like Fred Flintone's; one USA sweatshirt after another in alternate blue and gray tones. One time he got too hot and took off his sweatshirt. I came in, saw him sitting there, and thought "damn, that guy looks just like Bob."

The book on Bob: he has a knack of flopping the nuts and having guys flying into him. When he gets bored, he just hits the bad beat jackpot instead. He's not as tight as we all say he his but I like to say when he flops a full house, he thinks he's on a quad draw.

Anyway, Bob and I are in Tunica playing $2-5NL at the Horseshoe. Terrific place to play. I'm sitting between Bob and terrible player 347.

Flop: TT9. There's already quite a pot.

TP347 bets $100 and Bob calls immediately. I'm fairly certain I smell a monster.

Turn (TT9): 3. TP347 is getting excited and obviously has a 10. He bets $280. Bob tries to make the minimum re-raise to get the guy to call and begins twitching. I immediately begin wondering if he has a magic "4 tens" card giving him six tens but end up just giving him credit for flopping the nut full.

Bob is so excited he fucks up the min-raise math and makes it $660 instead of $560 and I know EXACTLY what is going on. Sitting right between Bob and his latest victim, my poker face is being tested like never before as I'm trying not to laugh out loud at Bob's good fortune and him trying to contain himself.

Now Bob peels back his cards to show me the T9 to "let me in on it". The single greatest insult to my intelligence in 31 years of life. I know, Bob; I KNOW. I KNOW!!!

I don't remember what happened on the river, but of course Poker Bob took every bit of this kid's money.

He left and was replaced with a guy wearing a shirt that detailed the definition of "Rounder" on it. Oooooo...scary. You know what, we're going to stay and play anyway.

I can dodge bullets?

What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

Dodged a couple bullets last night at Harrah's. I'm playing really well, especially in the last month or so. But sometimes you need a few things to do your way; last night they did.

$2-5 NL. Loose table with four frat boys doing Jager bombs. Yeah; I know.

Only one guy, Kerry, knows what he's doing. He's extremely solid.

Our hero has AA in MP2. MP1 straddles for $10. I debate the situation but just call, hoping someone will help me out with a nice big raise. No luck.

8 players see the flop. That's trouble, and it gets worse. Flop: 987, two spades. Yuck.

Kerry (BB) bets $40 into a $80 pot and loose guy 1 (das straddler) calls. I decide to find out where I'm at and make it $120.

Frat guy 1 calls the $120 (well...OK) and frat guy 2 calls (what the...). It gets around to Kerry and he is not happy. He thinks for a while and shows the guy next to him the "monster" that he's laying down. I know that he just laid down the best hand.

Turn (987) 2. I'm hoping that both my new frat buddies are on a draw and go all in for $400. Frat guy 1 calls immediately (gulp) and frat guy 2 thinks for a while, tells me he flopped two pair. I tell him to get his money in the middle. He folds.

Frat guy 1 turns over QQ, I turn over AA, frat guy 2 yells "Fuck!", and Kerry loses it. He folded the bucket end of the straight.

River: K.
Pot: $1,300.
Ship it.

If you play long enough, it all happens

OK, I’ve been good up until this point but I'm going to have to ask you to indulge me in bad beat of the extreme variety. Please fasten your safety belt.

$1-2 NL, table is a little loose.

I look down to see TT in the SB. I raise preflop to $15, get two callers. Flop: KT2 rainbow.

I check, MP checks, button bets $30. I call the $30, MP goes all in for $130. Button raises to $200, I go all in for $330, button calls. Pot: $900.

At this point I cannot believe my good fortune. Then things IMPROVE.

MP turns over KT, so I've got to avoid a K. I can handle that. Then I almost laugh as the button turns over KQ, so these knuckleheads have each other's King and KQ is basically drawing dead. He even says: "I can't win". I feel like knocking their heads together three-stooges style and mumbling “ship it”.

QQ.

I consulted the pokerstove oracle when I got home: 92% favorite.